Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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