It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize