Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
