I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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