it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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