if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize