And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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