I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
