Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
