why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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