Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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