It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And then my night got REAL pukey
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
