I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
