nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
