so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
