i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What drink are we having for lunch?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
