singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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