Are we in a gay sports bar?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Buhtt sex?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
