I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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