we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
