I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
