The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
