Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
