He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
