1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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