i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
