i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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