i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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