you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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