A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
