Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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