It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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