Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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