I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
