your parents love me but you hate me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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