I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
