Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
