He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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