he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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