Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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