Im at strip club and am horny
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
