so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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