My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
did i walk over a car last night?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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