i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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