Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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