Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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