singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
