3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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