The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
