I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
