I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
