we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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