1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am spending my child support on dildos
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
