you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
