just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I lost the right to judge tonight
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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