last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Damn victory sex feels great
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
