I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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