All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he thought i was a dude.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
