I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
