he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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