I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
