Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
