Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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