i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
