Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
