if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
