Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize