just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
