I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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