Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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