My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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