he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
