Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
