Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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