I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
